i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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