Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
