Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
