I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
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