But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
