Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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