You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Text me some of your sweat
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
