I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
