just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
