I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
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