did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
