You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
