They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
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whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
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Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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