Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
