That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Randomize
