its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
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Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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