What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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