No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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