bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
