I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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