wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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