I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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