I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
