Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
The power of my boobs compel you
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
