Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
