Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Randomize
