I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
