how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
