dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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