My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Randomize
