Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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