Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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