Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I'm always down for nudity.
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