Michael Bay diarrhea
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
