Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
