So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
