I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
