he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
