fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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