Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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