RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
