Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
