I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
