After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
