so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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