the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
