dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
