i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
