my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
You can't motorboat a personality
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
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