Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
