If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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