i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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