He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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