I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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