saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
