I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
