We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
