i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
