i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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