i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
