coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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