Dude my mom stole all your condoms
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
