would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Randomize
