I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
