UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
