doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
