did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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