Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
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