This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
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