it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
