YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
