i permit you to call me
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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