I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
You smell like a Billy Joel song
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
