i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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