Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I pour the whiskey from now on
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
