I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
