I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
