I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
